Withholding Nothing

 

So on Monday I posted “We’re all gatekeepers of some form of information”, this wasn’t from me. My good friend Robert was basically taking me and his girlfriend Alexis, through this conference that he was able to attend. It was a very eye opening experience for him and he felt the need to practice his gatekeeper duties by passing along information he had access to. Listening to him speak about all of us having information that is valuable to SOMEONE really struck me. He said that we are never useless, we always have opportunities to be some kind of resource to someone else. He asked the question, “Are you projecting powerlessness?” are you projecting powerlessness by not owning up to your skills and what you have to provide to people that need it? That need you. This talk changed my entire perspective on my personal journey. I realized that my journey is literally something that needs to be shared. I am a gatekeeper to a lot of things, even if it feels small to me.

Fast forward to today, Thursday. I posted my #DearBlackGirl and it’s pretty much in the same vein of being a resource and understanding that it’s a tool of uplift and empowerment. I now view my reason to explore new things, learn new things, create new things not only as a means to benefit me. But honestly I want to do all these things so I have the knowledge and capacity to put other people on. I feel like we’ve been tricked into believing that knowledge can’t be a privilege, and that there isn’t enough resources, audience, etc. for every single one of us to flourish. Of course I want a seat at the table, but I’m trying to get to the table just so I can pass some plates back, some forks, a napkin, you good sis? I believe once we take on this mentality we’ll be unstoppable. YOUR GIFT, YOUR TALENT IS NOT JUST SOLELY FOR YOUR BENEFIT! Your greatness lies directly in your impact. We need YOU. You have something to offer that can advance many, and then they can advance more and then it’s like a domino effect. You can start a fire that many need.

I just want you to first realize that YOU ARE SPECIAL. Yes you are unique! That’s something I’m having to realize about myself as well. Man, regardless of how normal people will try to make you feel, how they will try to dim your light, it’s a trick. Some people even want you to believe that understanding how different you are is a cliche. But it’s not. That’s the first step. Walk into your dopeness, let’s just own up to it. We lit. There, it’s said. Let’s make conscious efforts to recognize our own raw beauty and share our knowledge with anyone looking to elevate themselves. It’s your duty to. No point in being full and the people around you hungry. We all gone eat! You won’t ever have to force your knowledge/journey, the ones that truly need to be filled will reveal themselves to you. They’ll be open to what you have to offer. Find your #Libheration and it’ll bleed into your tribes and beyond.

2018: Growth & Manifestation.

2018_ The Year of Growth & Manifestation

First off, Happy New Year! I’ve taken the first few days of 2018 to really reflect on 2017, to make sure 2018 really pop. 2017 made me realize a lot about myself, 2017 was a complete year of lessons. It was the year that I became more open minded to who I am, more honest about me.

Lessons/Realizations of 2017:

There is no one like me. I have a divine purpose and path.

Sometimes, it’s me. I have toxic tendencies and I’m not perfect. 

I can’t claim I’m going to be wealthy, with no knowledge on HOW to be wealthy.

Procrastination will ruin me. 

I can overcome ANYTHING

Life works FOR me and not TO me.

My physical environment is a manifestation of my psychological one. 

  • If my room/space is cluttered, my mind is too
  • What I think is what/how I create

I have to change how I think to change my life

All the thoughts, good and bad, I internalize. Be mindful of my thoughts.

Balance.

Share my story. Never be ashamed of my experiences. What I go through, someone may be able to relate and pull through too. 

The list could literally go on forever.

Since 2017 was the year of realization. I’m making 2018 the year of manifest. This is year I WILL change. I’m growing and glowing up all year. It’s my road to riches. Rich in love, rich in knowledge, health and wealth.

I usually hate resolutions. It feels so cliche. Despite all of that, I wrote down my goals anyway. I realized resolutions only feel cliche if they’re short lived and unfulfilled year after year.

Capture

I’ve broken my goals down from what they are, to how I’m going to achieve them. I’m in the process of actually planning my process and what it looks month by month, weekly and even down to daily habits. Keep a look out for more blogs with more details! This year will be the year of me, come along for the ride.

 

What you thinkin’?

 

check

I didn’t realize how many one-sided talks I have with myself. I never paid attention to how I speak to myself, in my head. One day I did. I never knew I was insecure. My whole life I thought insecurity was not liking how you looked, being sad about your physical appearance, I thought it only concerned the outside. So I’ve fooled myself to believe that I’m not insecure, so it wasn’t something I needed to deal with. “You can’t heal what you don’t reveal” at it’s finest. Now I know that insecurity is deeper than that. It’s not being certain. It’s doubtful. It’s not confident. It’s feeling undeserving. It plays out in everything you do.

I remember the first time someone told me I may be insecure. I was in a relationship and I was venting to someone about how I felt being in my relationship, they listened, unbiased. They were able to see both sides. He looked at me, and said Jas, I think you’re insecure. I was like WHAT? Me? Hell naaaahhhhhhh, I love me. I’m okay with how I look. I’m good, ion know you talkin’ bout. Then asked me why I did the things I did? Why did I feel the need to handle certain situations how I did? What was my thought process behind my actions. I still wrote it off and I continued my life. I wasn’t ready to think that struggled with how I viewed myself. I wasn’t ready to take responsibility of my actions. I liked believing that I was reacting according to how I was being treated, and not acting off how I felt about me. Recently I started actually listening to myself though. When I looked in the mirror, I paid attention to my initial thought. I realized how afraid I was to lose people, because of me. I noticed how personal I took everything. I can’t take criticism, not because I think I’m perfect, but because I think I’m so flawed. I realized that sometimes I push people away because I psych myself to believe I don’t deserve them. I don’t think I deserve amazing things. I’ve checked my thinking, I see how my mind works. I see that sometimes I’m self-sabotaging. All of my bad thoughts manifest into bad habits. I’m only operating at the capacity that I’ve made myself believe I can.

Now that I’m aware of these self inflicted wounds, I’m changing my own narrative. I’m beginning to believe that I am more than enough. I’m working towards security. I am who I am, and that may not be enough for everyone I encounter, and that’s okay, but the goal is to be enough for me. Reconstructing your thinking can be hard, I mean you’re basically changing who you’ve been for years. But just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s truth. You’ve MADE what you think your reality. The same power we have to tear ourselves down and convince ourselves we’re not as good enough, is the same power we have to convince ourselves otherwise. I know now that I’ve used my power to be what I want the wrong way. I’ve used it negatively. I’ve used my mind to manifest insecurity. Now I know that my mind is the one in control, I think it, and I act accordingly. So it all starts there, my thoughts.

I want you to start paying attention to what you think about yourself. Journal Prompt: What do you think about you? Take an entire day to listen to your thoughts, write down specific negative thoughts, and then journal about your observation. Replace your negative with positive thoughts. Use your negative ideas about yourself to make a list of affirmations. I struggle with insecurity, so I speak confidence. I speak being deserving and being powerful. Have you noticed that when you say to yourself, I’m going to have a good day, you actually do? Have you also noticed that when you say, today’s not going to be good, it actually is a sucky day? It’s because what we tell ourselves is how we’re going to perceive everything. When you have negative thoughts, you’re going to have negative perceptions, which will only confirm what you thought in the first place. In psychology they call this confirmation bias. This is real. We have to be mindful of how we think ladies. Check yaself before you wreck yaself. Take time for you sis! You’ll appreciate it.